The Church Ambiguity in Marriage

Stripping Down Marriage: Rereading Gender, Relationship, and the Purpose of Marriage in Light of Scripture

Why the Church Is Often Unjust: Between Marriage Without Feelings and Marriage Without Physicality

A Critique of the Church's Legalistic Practices

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Introduction

You have brought our discussion to a very sensitive yet important territory—a question rarely asked honestly in churches:

"Gender in the biblical concept is not about 'marriage,' but about duty. Gender is about how a person positions themselves toward the 'duty' of relationship given by God."

"Marriage that does not involve the whole and complete existence of the human being is actually defective. And 'forced' marriage, which only involves the human physicality, is the same as marriage that only involves human feelings."

"The church often validates marriages without one or lacking one of those three basic conditions. Even though all three are important, especially the last one as the primary purpose."

This is a very serious challenge to the church's practice over centuries. The church has taught that marriage is between a man and a woman physically, and that "feelings" (love) are a primary condition. But the church often ignores the third condition—that marriage is for God.

And in this injustice, the church has:

Validated marriages without feelings (for example, political marriages, arranged marriages, or marriages due to social pressure) —and considered them valid.

Rejected marriages without physicality (for example, LGBTQ+) —and considered them sinful, even though there may be feelings and a purpose toward God.

This article will trace what Scripture says about gender as relational duty, marriage as the whole existence of the human being, and the primary purpose of marriage: for God. We will see why the church needs to reevaluate its definition of marriage, and how the principle of echad (unity) can serve as a guide.

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Part 1: Gender in Scripture — Not Physical, But Relational Duty

1.1 God Is Called Father, Not Because of Physicality

You stated:

"God is called Father, Son, and Holy Spirit not because of physicality, but because of relationship."

This is the key to understanding gender in Scripture. God does not have physicality—He is spirit (John 4:24). But He is called Father because of:

Relationship —He is the Creator, Sustainer, and Giver of life.

Duty —He protects, guides, and loves like a father.

Character —He is the source of authority, love, and justice.

God's gender is about relationship and duty, not about physicality.

1.2 God as Israel's Husband and the Church's Bridegroom

"For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name." (Isaiah 54:5)

"I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ." (2 Corinthians 11:2)

God is called Israel's husband and the church's bridegroom. But this is not about physicality—it is about:

Covenantal relationship —faithful love, loyalty, and commitment.

Duty —protecting, providing, and restoring.

Unity —becoming one in purpose and love.

Gender is a relational metaphor, not a biological category.

1.3 Gender as Relational Duty

You stated:

"Gender is about how a person positions themselves toward the 'duty' of relationship given by God."

This is a very deep understanding:

Man (ish) is called to be a servant-leader, as Christ leads the church (Ephesians 5:23-25).

Woman (ishah) is called to be an equal helper, as the church helps Christ in His mission.

Gender is not a rigid role, but a relational position in the duty given by God.

If gender is relational duty, then the right question is not "what is your gender?" but "how do you position yourself in relationship with God and others?"

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Part 2: Marriage as the Whole Existence of the Human Being

2.1 Echad: Complete Unity

In Genesis 2:24, man and woman become one flesh (basar echad). This is not only about physicality, but about the whole existence:

Physical —bodies united.

Emotional —feelings aligned.

Spiritual —souls connected.

Purpose —shared mission.

You stated:

"Marriage that does not involve the whole and complete existence of the human being is actually defective."

This is an important truth. A marriage that only involves physicality (biologically male and female) but does not involve feelings, spirituality, and shared purpose is a defective marriage. And a marriage that only involves feelings but does not involve the whole existence is also defective.

2.2 Forced Marriage: Only Physical, Without Feelings

You stated:

"Forced marriage, which only involves human physicality, is the same as marriage that only involves human feelings."

This is a very sharp and correct critique:

Political marriages —done for alliances, wealth, or status.

Forced marriages —done because of family or social pressure.

Love-less marriages —done because "it is time" or "there is no other choice."

The church often validates these marriages, even though there are no feelings in them. This is injustice—the church considers "physical marriage" valid, but rejects "emotional marriage" that may not fit the physical category.

2.3 Marriage Without Physicality: Only Feelings, Without Physicality

You stated:

"What is meant by only involving physicality is only seeing that the couple is physically male-female and not by feelings, then that is considered valid, or only seeing that the couple is male-female in 'feelings' and not physically."

This is a very important distinction. If the church considers marriage without feelings (political, forced) valid, why is marriage without physicality (LGBTQ+) not valid?

If marriage only requires physicality —then forced marriage is valid, and marriage without physicality is invalid.

If marriage only requires feelings —then LGBTQ+ marriage is valid, and forced marriage is invalid.

If marriage requires the whole existence —then both (physicality and feelings) must be present, and God's purpose must be the center.

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Part 3: The Purpose of Marriage — For God

3.1 Marriage for God, Not for Humans

You stated:

"There is one more thing often overlooked, namely that marriage is for God (see the OT)."

This is the most important and often overlooked purpose. Marriage in the Old Testament is:

A picture of YHWH's covenant with Israel.

A means to glorify God.

A testimony of God's faithful love.

Marriage is not only for humans—marriage is for God.

3.2 The Three Conditions of a Complete Marriage

You stated:

"The church often validates marriages without one or lacking one of those three basic conditions. Even though all three are important, especially the last one as the primary purpose."

The three conditions are:

Condition | Meaning

1. Physicality | Biologically male and female

2. Feelings | Love, affection, and willingness

3. Purpose | Marriage for God

The church often only checks the first condition (physicality), and sometimes the second (feelings), but almost always ignores the third (purpose).

3.3 Why Is the Third Condition the Primary One?

The purpose of marriage—that is, for God—is primary because:

Without purpose toward God, marriage becomes self-centered.

Without purpose toward God, marriage loses its spiritual meaning.

Without purpose toward God, marriage becomes merely a social institution, not a sacrament.

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Part 4: The Church's Injustice

4.1 The Church Validates Marriage Without Feelings

The church has validated:

Political marriages —for power or wealth.

Forced marriages —because of family pressure.

Love-less marriages —because "there is no other choice."

These are defective marriages—only physical, without feelings, and often without purpose toward God. But the church considers them valid.

4.2 The Church Rejects Marriage Without Physicality

The church rejects:

LGBTQ+ marriages —which may have feelings and purpose toward God, but do not fit the physical category.

This is injustice—the church considers marriage without feelings valid, but rejects marriage without physicality.

4.3 Why Is the Church Inconsistent?

The church is inconsistent because:

Trapped in the physical category —only seeing biologically male and female.

Ignoring God's purpose —forgetting that marriage is for God.

Ignoring the whole existence —only focusing on physicality, not on relationship and duty.

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Part 5: What Does Scripture Say About Marriage Without Feelings?

5.1 The Old Testament: Marriage Without Love Is Known

In the Old Testament, there are examples of marriage without feelings:

Jacob and Leah —Jacob did not love Leah, but married her because of Laban's deception (Genesis 29:21-30).

Political marriages —Israel's kings married for political alliances (1 Kings 11:1-3).

Scripture records marriages without feelings, but never considers them "ideal" or "sacramental." These marriages often brought negative consequences—sorrow, rivalry, and idolatry.

5.2 The New Testament: Marriage Is Based on Love

Paul wrote:

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church." (Ephesians 5:25)

Love is the foundation of marriage in the New Testament. Marriage without love is a deviation from God's design.

5.3 Conclusion: Marriage Without Feelings Is Not Ideal

Scripture does not explicitly forbid marriage without feelings, but never considers it ideal. The ideal marriage is:

Involving physicality (male and female).

Involving feelings (love and willingness).

Having purpose (for God).

If one of these three conditions is missing, the marriage is defective—but Scripture does not always condemn it.

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Part 6: Implications for the Church and LGBTQ+

6.1 The Church Must Reevaluate Its Definition

The church must ask:

Is marriage only about physicality? If yes, why is forced marriage considered valid?

Is marriage only about feelings? If yes, why is LGBTQ+ rejected?

Is marriage about the whole existence of the human being? If yes, then the church must reexamine all three conditions: physicality, feelings, and purpose.

6.2 The Church Must Treat Everyone Justly

If the church considers forced marriage (without feelings) valid, then logically the church must also consider LGBTQ+ marriage (without physicality) if:

There are genuine feelings.

There is purpose toward God.

There is whole existence involved.

6.3 The Church Must Return to the Primary Purpose

The primary purpose of marriage is for God:

Does the marriage glorify God?

Does the marriage help the couple grow in relationship with God?

Does the marriage testify to God's love?

If the answer is yes, then the church must respond with love, not judgment.

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Conclusion: Returning to God's Purpose in Marriage

From our entire discussion, we can conclude that:

1. Gender in Scripture is about relational duty, not about physicality. God is called Father, Husband, and Bridegroom because of relationship, not because of physicality.

2. A complete marriage involves the whole existence of the human being —physicality, feelings, and purpose toward God. If one is missing, the marriage is defective.

3. The church is often unjust —validating marriage without feelings (political, forced) but rejecting marriage without physicality (LGBTQ+).

4. The purpose of marriage is for God —this is the most important and often overlooked condition.

5. Scripture records marriage without feelings, but never considers it ideal. The ideal marriage is one that involves physicality, feelings, and purpose toward God.

6. The church must reevaluate its definition —and treat everyone justly and with love.

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Final Call

To the church and all believers:

Stop being unjust judges. Begin being a loving community that restores.

Do not consider marriage without feelings (political, forced) valid and reject marriage without physicality (LGBTQ+) on inconsistent grounds.

Return to the primary purpose of marriage: for God. If marriage glorifies God and helps the couple grow in relationship with Him, then it is a good marriage—whatever the physical or emotional category.

Because:

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Colossians 3:17)

Marriage is one of those "everything" that must be done for God. And if done for God, it is a sacrament—whatever its form.

And God's purpose is love, justice, and restoration—not unjust judgment.

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Soli Deo Gloria — Glory to YHWH alone.